WORLD OF PORK

You all think I'm an old stick-in-the-mud, don't you? But wait a second: would an old stick-in-the-mud do this?

2006-04-26T11:47:00.000Z

SEASON RECORD: 182-173 (18-17 overall) MONKEY RECORD: 180-175 (19-16 overall)###########################################################Dear AllSorry about forgetting to send out last week's WoP24. I'd love to say that I went out drinking with Jeremy Beadle anddidn't get home in time to send it or some such flummery,but the sad fact is that I left it on my

What a Wally!

2006-04-25T15:49:00.000Z

Dear AllThe monkey is only three wins behind, with 161 to my 164.It's going to be a fight to keep my percentage above 50 andalso beat the rampant monkey. Who knows if I can do it?I will also be liable to going on hiatus during the nextfew weeks, as I have another essay to write, and it'sanother essay on the Soviet Union. I'm going USSR crazy! Everything I read is about the USSR. Most of my

Take Your Suit Off, Put Your Jeans On

2006-04-25T15:48:00.000Z

Dear AllSorry this is a bit rushed. I know I have some inspirationsomewhere, but I seem to have lost it watching 'TheApprentice' on BBC 2. Last week there was a ratheramateurishly scripted exchange where Alan 'Sir' Sugar toldone contestant: "When we started out, you told me you weregoing to be the anchor of this team. Six weeks later it turns out ..." - you can guess the punchline. If only life

HUFFING MARKER PENS AND HEAVEN KNOWS WHAT ELSE

2006-03-01T16:36:00.000Z

NUMBER 19: February 2006 http://worldofpork.blogspot.com###########################################################GUEST EDITORIAL FROM MY OLD MATHS TEACHERDear AllYou might be expecting a short note from Simon to say 'hi',or even to dispense one of his trademark 'funnies' to youall. However, he has sent me along to 'break the ice' andalso, I dare say, for my ability to dispense some of

Okay, look, so what if I sold the cow for some magic beans? It's my cow, I can do whatever the fuck I like with it.

2006-02-27T12:50:00.000Z

NUMBER 18: February 2006 http://worldofpork.blogspot.com###########################################################Dear AllSorry about the hiatus, I was trying to cultivate a beard, but it wouldn't grow out properly, so I had to cut it off again. Anyway, back to the task in hand. I've had a lovely six weeks or so. I went to Athens and then I wrote two long essays.(Apologies to all the emails

STARTING A FIRE OF PURE DESIRE

2006-02-27T12:49:00.000Z

NUMBER 16-19: December 2005 http://worldofpork.blogspot.com#################################################################Dear AllWell, here we all are. We've survived until the New Year, which is kind of unexpected. I have diligently put away 90 correct predictions, as opposed to the monkey's 79. That essentially means that I'm 11 predictions better than picking them out of a hat. I'm

GET ON THE THE THE BUS

2005-12-19T15:50:00.000Z

NUMBER 13 & 15: December 2005 http://worldofpork.blogspot.com#################################################################Dear AllI'm sorry about the last few weeks of inactivity. Corrie's Mike Baldwin probably alluded to the 'problems' I've been having. So I might as well come right out with it: I've been unable to produce World of Pork for the last few weeks because I've been in '

WORLD OF PORK 14

2005-12-19T15:48:00.000Z

Dear 'Gang'Please find below a message from Simon. Apparently he's got some problems. I don't know any more than you do.TTFNBaldwin x> To: Baldwin, Mike > From: Simon Huxtable > Date: Saturday, December 3 1325 > Subject: World of Pork 14> >> Dear Baldwin,> I'm having a few problems at the moment - willexplain> next week.> Could you forward this email onto my World of Pork > mailing list? You know

I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MY ART TO YOU

2005-12-19T15:41:00.000Z

NUMBER 11-12: November 2005 http://worldofpork.blogspot.com#################################################################Dear AllSorry about the 'gap week' again. I am currently trying to writea presentation on the policing of language in Stalinist Russia. Lots of parallels with Mr. Blair's police state. Ooh, I should becareful. Perhaps someone's going to arrest me. Only kiddin' with ya!

Every time you lie a Macmillan cancer nurse dies

2005-11-09T18:23:00.000Z

EVERY TIME YOU LIE A MACMILLAN CANCER NURSE DIES*NUMBER 8-10 : October 2005 http://worldofpork.blogspot.com#################################################################Dear AllMy apologies for the lack of a mailout the last two weeks. I havebeen on holiday in Finland. I thought I had made firm arrangements with Mike Baldwin from TV's Coronation Street to log into my email account and send

My gaff. My rules.

2005-09-30T12:09:00.000Z

_ ______ _____/ /___/ / ____ / __/ ____ ____ _____/ /__| | /| / / __ \/ ___/ / __ / / __ \/ /_ / __ \/ __ \/ ___/ //_/| |/ |/ / /_/ / / / / /_/ / / /_/ / __/ / /_/ / /_/ / / / ,< |__/|__/\____/_/ /_/\__,_/ \____/_/ / .___/\____/_/ /_/|_| / / MY GAFF. MY RULES.NUMBER 7 : September 2005

In the mood for some of that old-time polka

2005-09-23T15:43:00.000Z

FENCEMENDER 2000

2005-09-16T15:48:00.000Z

... shirt tails flapping in the wind ...

2005-09-09T14:49:00.000Z

... now available in flannelette ...

2005-08-31T09:22:00.000Z

Solid at room temperature

2005-08-19T09:36:00.000Z

Warm baked potato: no butter, no toppings

2005-08-02T13:18:00.000Z